When I was younger, I would lay in the grass watching the clouds shift and swirl into shapes. I'd feel the wind brush across my body. Feel it surge into a force deep inside of me and instantly know it was there for me. To carry me away, to protect me, to fight for me, if only.
If only I could make myself small enough. If only I could hold onto it.
I never did figure out how to drift away with the wind. My body always felt glued to the earth, in a way that couldn't be broken. It was, unnatural and unforgiving. But now, spinning and twisting with each movement of the wind. I no longer believe it's about making myself light or small or even holding on to it. It's a willingness of giving myself over to it. Of losing myself and giving up all of me.
All that I have been, all that I am, All that I'll become. I am the wind, screaming through the world as I make my path through it.
I no longer can tell which way is up or down. Brilliant bright colors almost blinding in a way, twist with me. Somehow, I can't take my eyes off of them, no matter how bright they are. Blues, yellows and greens flash vibrantly and cruel. They tease with hope and possibilities that when I finely connect to the earth; every last inch of me wants to fall into tiny paces just for unnaturally gluing itself to the earth again. I don't belong here, or tied down to this earth. My body knows it, I know it.
When the spring did stop, Or more like when the ground smacks me in the face, my legs are numb. The air inside of my lungs is suddenly suffocating me. I gasp for new air, but it feels like I've forgotten how to breathe. My heart is pounding too fast, and the rest of my body is screaming in agony.
A thick film covers my eyes, I can barely see through it. It feels like a distant memory, I can’t pull out of my head. My breathing slowly catches up to my heart. Or rather my heart slows. Either way, I can breathe again.- Slowly.
I scramble to my knees and move to the side. The side of what, I'm not sure. But by the way the grass moves freely throught my fingers, I can only guess, I'm in someone's yard. But which lawn? This grass seems soft and manicured. Every lawn in the area, is still brown from the winter. It also feels like a cool spring day. There’s a soft sound of water rushing in the background -the same water that I heard when Jayden kissed me.
But where is it? My mind jumps to the areas of Kennewick that I know. I can’t be far. Nothing comes to mind that could feel and sound like this. Wherever I landed, it's no where I've been.
I rub my eyes, hoping it would help me see again. But, it only makes it worse. I keep following the grass backwards, on my knees, until my back hits the side of a large rock. I feel around the rock, and find a small opening between the ground and the rock. I squeeze myself into the opening until it hurts. – I don’t get very far.
I’ll wait here. I think. Panting, catching my breath and my heart.
Drops of sweat slide down the side of my face, as I wait. I wait for Zailor to find me, to kill me. I wait for Jayden’s soft touch as his arms encircle me again and I wait for my eyes to work. – None of which come.
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