I hear the bedroom door fly open beside me.
“What?” Wade’s voice is anxious. “What is it?” He’s breathless too. He must have run to the bedroom. But I don’t understand this question. Couldn't he see what is wrong?
“The tornado.” I breath out as I look at him. My heart still racing, I decide not to tell him about Zailor. How could I?
He looks at me puzzled and clearly confused about what I just said. Making an alarming feeling comes crashing into me. Does he know about Zailor? Is he part of all of this?
“What tornado?”
Is he blind? I turn and swung my arm out to the empty bedroom. “That one!” I shriek.
By the time my eyes follow my hand. The room is back to normal. The destruction from the mind blowing tornado is gone. Nothing has moved from its place. Not even a picture frame knocked down. I’m standing between the bed and the wall halfway breathing, my heart still pounding in my chest. And my room…. is exactly the same way as I went to bed. The floor is back to normal, the strange basement below isn’t there anymore.
I knew it! I’m going insane.
“Okay... Are you dreamin?” Wade laughs a little. The smirk on his face aggravates me to no end. I have a sudden urge to punch him in the shoulder. But I can't deny what I’m looking at. There is no sign of a tornado.
“Um.... maybe?” I mumble as my face become hot. I can only imagine its red by now.
“Okay.... well... good to know you scream in your sleep.” Wade put his finger to his forehead. “I'll keep a mental note of that.” He smiles at me.
“Um... Yeah. Good idea.” I can barely hear my voice now.
“Are you alright?” He sounds a little too concerned, for just a bad dream.
I shake my head no, but my words come out all wrong. “Yeah... I think so.”
I take a deep breath and let it out. “It was just really… real... Ya know?” I try to make my tone lighter, but it isn’t working.
“Yeah. I know what you mean.” Wade bites his lip a little before he continues. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No!” I answer too quickly. “I'm fine.”
Wade nodes as he keeps his eyes on me. “Tornado….” He whispers, looking as if he's in a deep thought. “Well, I guess it’s almost time to get up anyways.” He smiles after a moment. I look at the clock. – It’s 5:57am. My alarm will go off in three minutes.
“Yeah, I guess I won't be late.” I give a half heartily smile.
He smiles back again. “At least there’s that.” He chuckles again. And the urge to hit him comes back. I have to pull my hands together, just so I don't give into it. This is Wade after all. My foster Dad.
We stand awkwardly staring at each other as Wade rock back and forth on his heels. His smile disappears off his face. He looks like he wants to say something else, but for whatever reason, he can’t, or won’t, or shouldn’t.
He opens his mouth slowly, but quickly clamps it shut. After a moment, I start to feel more anxious than I already was. I feel so stupid… ha! A tornado in my room! In Washington! I know it’s stupid. I don't need Wade staring at me as if I’m going to combust in front of him. The anxiousness inside me grows to anger within a matter of minutes.
“Well, I guess I better get ready.” I look away from his studying eyes.
He nodes his head. "I better get to work.” He turns and leaves my room. “Have a good day.” he says after closing the door behind him.
I switch the alarm off and immediately have trouble breathing again. I run my hands through my hair -trying to focus on breathing in and out. I feel for the bed half expecting it to be missing, and sit down. What is going on with me? I think. My entire body feels numb and weak, like I haven’t slept in days. My stomach twist and turns with the memory of what just happened, or at least what I think just happened.
I haven't felt like this since the first night I was put into foster care. Normally, by the second day I felt safe and whole. Well, as whole as one can, knowing you won't be staying for long. But always, always I felt like there was a reason or purpose for me being there. This house on the other hand feels, I don't know, different. Although I can't completely say that. I don't even remember half my life.
My thoughts flash to the first memory I have. As I tangle my fingers in the chain of my star.
Nine years old. I think. Standing in the middle of a department store. I would later find out it was Macy's. But at that first moment, all I can think about is how breathtakingly beautiful that deep blue scarf is. I had to feel it. Touch it. Breathe it in. But I don't dare to. I just stand there staring at it, as if in an instant it will float away.
I don't know how long I stand there. Minutes, hours, maybe just a blint. But when the women with light blond hair touches my arm. My body jolts and snaps out of whatever trance I was in. I suddenly felt everything, and it hurt. The air felt strange on my skin, thickness seeped into my lungs, buring my insides. My mind flashed and I'm on the floor, crying and kicking. Fighting to run. Fighting to stay. Fighting to just be.
When they asked me who I was. I didn't have an answer. When they asked where I lived, who my parents were, where I went to school. Nothing came. I couldn't even remember my favorite color.
That's how I feel right now as I sit on the bed. Trying desperately to remember how to breathe. I repeat the same question they asked me. "What is your name?"
Raynee. I mean Jazlyn. "My name is Jazlyn Love." I force the wards out. "It's the name they gave me." Jaz, because the only thing that would stop me from crying that first month was jazz music. And Lyn after the woman who found me. "I picked Love. Because, thats what I want and never can have." I don't know what makes me feel like I can never have love. I just do and always have.
I scan the room as soon as my head clears. searching for any sign of what had just happened. There is no sign of any tornado. Not even last night's homework is out of place. I have to come to the realization that what I think. Is all messed up.
“Zailor?” I whisper. Just to make sure.
No answer.
I grab my star, turning it around and around. There's still a slight glow. I can't help but feel a little lost. Was it really only a dream? I’ve never had to wakeup twice from a dream, before. I drop the star and fly to the window. It’s only beginning to show day light outside. There’s no sign of a storm; not even a little rain on the ground. I’ve had strange dreams before... but nothing like this. This is more of a nightmare then a dream.
I make my way to the closet and grab another pair of jeans and a long sleeve T-shirt. But this time instead of the boots I opted for the All-Star black tennis shoes. Still feeling anxious inside. I change as fast as I can. I tuck the star under my shirt, throw my hair in a pony-tail, grab my homework, and after a quick stop to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I dash to the kitchen. – The only thing I want to do at this moment is get out of here.
Stephanie is there by the stove, in a blue bathrobe. Her face is all red and puffy. She blows her nose in a hanky, and leans over a pot with boiling water on the stove.
“Hi.” She muffles.
“Hi. Are you okay?” I suddenly feel overly concern for her. After my dream last night, I just want everyone to be okay. For everyone I've met here to be safe, away from Zailor. Even if I didn't feel that way.
“Yeah... I'll be fine.” she sniffs. “But I'm not going to work today. I could still drive you, if you'd like. But I don't think I can make a full day of work.” She sneezes into the pot.
“No!” I insist. “I can walk. You stay home and get better” I bit my lip, wondering if she noticed the anxiousness in my voice.
She looks at me with curiosity.
“Really... I'll be fine... I remember the way, its kind-a easy.” Besides I could use a moment to myself after last night and knowing she's here, safe, mean more to me right now. Stephanie pauses as she thinks about it for a minute.
“Okay” she finally says. “That really helps me out a lot. Thank you.”
“Sure. No problem.”
“Would you like some breakfast before you go?”
“No!” I answer too quickly again and Stephanie's puzzle looks are buring my face.“I.... um....I'm not hungry” I smile, and turn to head for the door.
“Wait.” Stephanie walks over to the kitchen desk and slides open the drawer.
“You can borrow my iPod.” She hands me a small iPod, it can’t be more than an inch long. “It's not much. But I have a lot of different kinds of music on it. There might be something you like.” She gives a half smiles as she hands it to me and turns back to the stove.
“Thanks.” Still feeling anxious, I throw the headphones in my ears and head out the door.
It isn’t chilly today, just a small breeze, but it’s nice. I turn on the iPod. The first song is one of Avril Lavigne songs. It sounds like nobody's home. Which, is fitting for how I feel at the moment. I let the music fill my body and hope it would calm my nerves.
I try to keep my mind from wondering back to the dream, and focus on Stephanie and Wade. What do they know, that they're not saying? What did Miss Oaks say yesterday? They were waiting for me? Searching for me? This probably is the best home I’ve ever been in. Even if I have strange annoying dreams and creepy men running around me. But what was in it for Stephanie anf Wade? What do they want?
My mind flashes to Zailor and his words from this morning ring through my head. Give me the star, and I'll leave you alone; I'll leave your family alone. Would he hurt them? Would he kill them to get a necklace? My heart jumps. No… it was just a dream. - A crazy person’s dream! That’s all.
I try to calm myself, but my mind won’t stop spinning in circles. I keep going over and over everything. - Ada to Zailor… Stephanie, Wade, Thoms. and the strange basement below my bedroom? What is that all about? If this is all in my head, what is my head trying to tell me? In the past when dreams were a little too real, somehow some port of it came true. But in this dream how could any of it be true?
I am at the walkthrough before I know it. There were four houses that lined the walkthrough and street at the end seem to be busy. Fences and trees shade most of the way and a dog barks at the last house on the right. It’s a little too dark for morning through the walkway. I can’t help my heart pump as I take a step forward.
Suddenly, my heart dose a full stop, as I catch a glimpse of Zailor lingering on the right side of my eye. I quickly turn around for a full view. My body is jagged and ready to run, or fight... or something. He’s gone as soon as I turn around. I shake my head. I’m going insane.
My mind rests on his words again. “You don’t know what your doing, Raynee. You don’t remember our world.” The word our bothers me. What did he mean? If he is real, that is, it is a strange word to use. “You don’t remember our world.” What world would I be forgetting? Yes, yes I don't remember everything. But I think I would know if I came from another World… Wouldn’t I?
I turn back to the walkway and head through it as fast I can. I peek around the corner to the sidewalk.- looking both ways. Thankfully, Zailor isn’t there. I keep my pace, and dart across the street. There’s morning traffic now. It’s nice to see, makes me feel like I’m not the only person out here. Although I can’t help myself, I keep searching for any sign of Zailor to sneak up again.
The street where the school is, isn’t very far. I’m at the corner before I know it. My feet move on their own now as I dart through people waiting for the city buses. There are already five buses lining the sidewalk. But I'm guessing, there not the right bus for them, because a lot of people are still waiting. A rush curls up my spine. I can’t see what’s ahead of me. I hate not knowing if Zailor is waiting at the end of this maze of people. But it’s too late. I’m already half way though it. If I went backwards and go around them, I'd probably be late to school. Which would breake my number one rule, above everything. - Don't be late.
I found myself walking closer to the buses. I can almost see past the buses, but not much. I push and shove my way through the people. But by the time I get to the last bus, people aren’t moving out of the way any longer. I take a quick box step and move around a very large man waiting. By the time I get back to the side of the bus again. I have to look up.
Zailor is standing inside of the bus -Waiting for me to look up at him. My heart bolts into full speed. A wave of energy runs through my body again. I see Zailor standing over Stephanie’s body. It’s a memory like before with the house. But this memory isn’t comforting. Stephanie looks cold and pail. I clamp my eyes shut. The wind picks up and blows through my hair. I feel my star burning through my shirt. The memory flashes out of my mind. I look back to see if Zailor is following me. To see if I need to run faster and harder. He isn’t on the bus anymore. I look at the doorway of the bus, but he’s not there. My head still spinning, the wind blows right at me knocking me to the side. I bump into a woman, but I don’t care. I back-step and dart through people faster then before. I think I'm yelling, but I can’t understand what I’m saying. My mind is playing tricks on me. All I know for sure is I need to get out of here.
I reach the end of the crowd and go into a full force run. The baseball field is almost empty. Only a small group of kids are in the field. Another wave of energy soars through my body. I suddenly know, if I can just reach those kids. I’d be safe. I run as hard as I can. -Not looking back. The wind carries me forward, pushing me faster than before.
It doesn’t take me very long to reach them. I almost run past them. But my muscles are almost fed up with this excitement. I slow down to follow behind them. I look back and forth, but Zailor isn’t there. I catch my breath, but my side hart too much to catch it quietly. The kids in front of me, keep looking back with strange looks, and their conversation comes to abrupt stop. I know they think I’m a freak. But I don’t care. I keep with them, and follow them into the school.
Shelly's the first person I see when I enter the hall. She’s flirting with Tom, gushing at him in full speed. Normally I would pass on this kind of interruption, but I need to know if this is all in my head, and Shelly is the only person who can answer that at this point. I hurry over to her.
“Hey Shelly, Did you see the pedophile today?” I try to make my tone light and carefree, not sure if I’m successful, but it doesn’t matter. She doesn't notice.
I’m not really sure which answer I want. If she did see him that means this morning is in my head, because, he would have been here. Not chasing me down or lurking inside my bedroom. But, I also don't like the sound of "it's all in your head", eather. Shelly turns at my voice and stares me down, as if I'm the craziest person she's even seen in her life. I know she’s annoyed at me. But I can’t leave without knowing, and I really don't care what she thinks about me right now. I flash a smile at her and hope it will be enough.
“No!” she finely says with a fake smile. “Can you believe it? -first time in weeks!” Shelly’s voice is a little too light for my liking. My nerves are still shaky and I want everyone to feel the same way. Why aren't they feeling the same way? Ugh!
I don't have anything to say back to Shelly. So I shrug my shoulders. – But not before she turns back to Tom.
I’m frozen. It doesn’t mean anything! I tell myself. But my body feels like it’s running again. He could have been sick today…or dead. The normal side of my brain says.
“Well, I guess I see you later.” Tom says as he glances between Shelly and I. He runs his hand through his hair and flashes her a smile. Shelly just giggles and lets the color in her face return.
I'm sure that's his award winning smile. - I roll my eyes.
After a moment of silence, Tom turns towards some football players and almost runs over to them. Shelly spins around towards me.
“EEEEE! Did you hear that? He said he’s going to see me later. Ahh! He’s going to ask me to the dance I just know it!”
She's on freaking cloud nine, while some creepy guy is hanging around ready to prance at any moment. My eyes roll naturally on their own again. Luckily, she doesn't notice. I hate girls that only think of one thing. – Boys. What’s the big deal? Tom’s no different than any other guy at this school. At least, I think….
My eyes rest on a guy at the end of the hall. His sandy blond hair is a mess, nothing like the other guys here. He wares dark blue jean with wholes in the knees and a white t-shirt that desperately needs to be washed. His shirt is also torn just a bit and I can see blood on his right leg. His broad shoulders hold him up right, but I can tell from his boyish face he hasn’t slept in a while. He’s staring right at me. -His moonlit eyes hold me captive and all I can think is. What is my name?
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