The AC in the computer lab is so cold my toes are shivering in protest. Despite the girl next to me, giving me the best evil eye she can muster up. I keep reading that same damn article I've been reading for years. I still can't get rid of the childhood fantasy, that lingers over my shoulders every time I read it. Hoping that the ending would change. Or there would be some clue on how I got there, who I am and where I belonged. But nothings changes and not even the security cameras could show how I got there. One minute nothing is there, and the next there I am. Looking like I just stepped out of a tsunami.
For a few years, I would lay in bed pounding the inside of my memories, trying to rack my brain of something past that blue scarf. I probably would have given anything, for the feeling I felt when I walked into Stephanie and Wade's house. But now, all it does is bring back that starstruck feeling. And without even realizing it, I am lost all over again.
Lynn Costa, the sales associate who found me. Use to keep tabs me until she moved away... New York? Florida? Indiana? I don't know. It didn't seem that important when she told me. I was a stupid kid.
"I can't keep calling you Macy." Lynn said after she handed me a Lusie Armstrong cd. "Let's pick a name I can call you."
I'd been called Macy for a good six months and was use to it. Or rather still holding on to my name popping back into my head and I'd instantly demand to be called.... blah blah. Or whatever the name is. But Lynn had a way to convince me that Macy was more of a dog's name than a girls. I'm pretty sure, I didn't put up much of a fight about changing it.
"Let me see." She clicked her tong as she thought. "It should be something that fits who you are. What do you like to do?"
I put in the cd into the dash of her car and let my eyes wonder past the buildings to find the ocean. A kiss to build a dream on filler the car's speakers and instantly smoothed out the rigges in my mind. "I like nature ." My small voice came out.
"Hummm. Can we break it up? Nat. Nate. Natalie?"
My nose scrunches and I shack my head. That didn't feel right. Whatever I was, I was not a Natalie.
"You like Jazz. Maybe I'll call Jazzie." Lynn smiles sideways and pops her hands with the beat on the steering wheel.
I did like Jazz. It was calming and somehow, made my mind stop spinning. Which it often did those days. But I also was very fond of her. She had become an instinct hero in my mind and I wanted to be just like her. "Can't you call me Lynn?"
She blushed and let a small smile creep in the corner of her mouth. Without a ward she pulled to a stop light and turn towards me. "How about I call you Jazlyn? Then we won't get confused on who is who."
Jazlyn. Jazlyn. The name seem to roll off and tickle my tongue. I could be Jazlyn. Why not? I could be anyone I wanted to be. Why not Jazlyn? From that moment on I demand without a doubt. I was Jazlyn Love and I still am today. No matter what Jayden called me. No matter what. I am Jazlyn Love.
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